Christmas cracker-ish humour

[chippie]

I'll start......


I overheard some chess enthusiasts at my local the other day...
Bragging about how good they were at playing

theres nothing worse than chestnuts boasting in an open foyer.....


I'll get me spanners.....

[Noberator]

What do you call a man who has a bird of prey on each shoulder and vacuums the house at night.

Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark

(say it fast) You'll get it.


I'll get me coat.

[valhalla]

I wanted to treat my recently-acquired Skoda Fabia to some bodywork; the front wheels are just bare steel. I couldn't find what I wanted online, so I phoned the VAG dealer in Inverness;

"Do you have two hubcaps for a Skoda Fabia?", I asked the chappie on the other end of the line.

"Aye Mate, seems a fair exchange!" was his reply.