gasmonkey
Tea Maker
At an Oscilloscope near you.
Posts: 444
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jokes
Jan 4, 2013 21:54:07 GMT 1
Post by gasmonkey on Jan 4, 2013 21:54:07 GMT 1
They say 1 in 10 people live next to a paedophile - not me, i live next to two georgeous 12 year olds.  |
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jokes
Jan 4, 2013 22:08:03 GMT 1
Post by roadknight on Jan 4, 2013 22:08:03 GMT 1
Just said to the Mrs 'get your coat I'm going down the pub' Oh she said you taking me out? No I'm turning the heating off!  ;D |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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jokes
Jan 13, 2013 17:21:36 GMT 1
Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2013 17:21:36 GMT 1
A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large].
The word condom won't even be used.
The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350"..
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs. "Yes "!!!! she said " He's got one hanging there"....!
The boss said "Go back in and give him £3-50......................He's the Window cleaner"!!!!!!!
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jokes
Jan 31, 2013 1:41:28 GMT 1
Post by jmac200t on Jan 31, 2013 1:41:28 GMT 1
I am actually impressed by what lance armstrong has done......
When i was on drugs, i couldnt even find me bike let alone ride it........................
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Welshy
Apprentice
Posts: 1,119
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jokes
Jan 31, 2013 19:20:50 GMT 1
Post by Welshy on Jan 31, 2013 19:20:50 GMT 1
I am actually impressed by what lance armstrong has done...... When i was on drugs, i couldnt even find me bike let alone ride it........................ ;D |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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jokes
Feb 20, 2013 12:02:08 GMT 1
Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2013 12:02:08 GMT 1
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, They were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1: 00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,............'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold' 'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married' 'Wow! .............. That's a great idea!', he exclaimed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own f***in' blanket.' After a moment of silence, ..................... He farted. The End  |
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jokes
Feb 20, 2013 23:55:09 GMT 1
Post by Dragon on Feb 20, 2013 23:55:09 GMT 1
I was working in Tesco, rearranging the boxes of soap powder in aisle 7 when in walks the bird I pulled last night.
She said 'Oi, you told me were a stunt pilot you lying barsteward'
I replied 'No. I told you I was part of the Ariel display team!!' ;D ;D ;D
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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jokes
Mar 9, 2013 10:55:57 GMT 1
Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2013 10:55:57 GMT 1
My wife sidled up to me, leaned forward giving me a good look at her cleavage. "Have you ever seen a twenty pound note crumpled up in a very interesting way?" she asked. "No", I answered. She gave me a sexy little smile, slowly reached deep into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled £20 note. "Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked, and I shook my head. She gave me another sexy little smile, reached under her dress into her panties and pulled out a crumpled £50 note. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen ten thousand pounds all crumpled up?" Intrigued, I slowly shook my head. "Well," she said, "go and take a look in the garage..." ;D |
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french crap fanatic
Apprentice
french car specialist based in dagenham east london
Posts: 3,355
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jokes
Mar 9, 2013 12:12:14 GMT 1
Post by french crap fanatic on Mar 9, 2013 12:12:14 GMT 1
My wife sidled up to me, leaned forward giving me a good look at her cleavage. "Have you ever seen a twenty pound note crumpled up in a very interesting way?" she asked. "No", I answered. She gave me a sexy little smile, slowly reached deep into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled £20 note. "Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked, and I shook my head. She gave me another sexy little smile, reached under her dress into her panties and pulled out a crumpled £50 note. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen ten thousand pounds all crumpled up?" Intrigued, I slowly shook my head. "Well," she said, "go and take a look in the garage..." ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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jokes
Mar 11, 2013 23:08:29 GMT 1
Post by Noberator on Mar 11, 2013 23:08:29 GMT 1
The Vatican have announced the news that the new Pope will be Nigerian bishop Ngwungesu Gwangumbu Bengebolle - for short he will be known as Coco Popes!
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Mar 11, 2013 23:43:42 GMT 1
Post by Rhubarb on Mar 11, 2013 23:43:42 GMT 1
The Vatican have announced the news that the new Pope will be Nigerian bishop Ngwungesu Gwangumbu Bengebolle - for short he will be known as Coco Popes! ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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jokes
Mar 11, 2013 23:57:48 GMT 1
Post by Noberator on Mar 11, 2013 23:57:48 GMT 1
The Vatican have announced the news that the new Pope will be Nigerian bishop Ngwungesu Gwangumbu Bengebolle - for short he will be known as Coco Popes! ;D ;D ;D ;D Wouldn't it be funny if it's turns out to be a black Pope. ;D   Any smoke yet?  www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mCK05dgwgU |
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jokes
Mar 11, 2013 23:58:57 GMT 1
Post by Rhubarb on Mar 11, 2013 23:58:57 GMT 1
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I like that tune, and remember that one  |
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jokes
Mar 12, 2013 0:21:18 GMT 1
Post by Noberator on Mar 12, 2013 0:21:18 GMT 1
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I like that tune, and remember that one This is your tune. ;D www.youtube.com/watch?v=en1uwIzI3SENo 1 in 1968 and I was still at school. Still remember it though. |
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jokes
Mar 12, 2013 0:23:46 GMT 1
Post by Rhubarb on Mar 12, 2013 0:23:46 GMT 1
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I like that tune, and remember that one This is your tune. ;D www.youtube.com/watch?v=en1uwIzI3SENo 1 in 1968 and I was still at school. Still remember it though. Looks a bit like me too ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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